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Wise words of a wise man
 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. |
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After a long day when she spend hours on a congress, a noble business Lady is sitting at the bar in her hotel.
She drinks one nice "Scotch" by one. When she has had 10 of it, the barkeeper asks: Madam, would you like to get still one ? No, when I drink to much, I'm always getting a strong pyrosis. Hm, barkeeper says, I don't want to be impolite but it isn't a pyrosis. Your left breast is hanging in the ashtray... Not always, things are like they seem and Best Regards
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An Englishman meets a Russian and starts a talk.
When I drive to work I take my "Rolls-Royce". When I go to do purchases I take "Mini-Cooper". When i drive in foreign countries to spend my holiday, I take the "Jaguar". Hm, is the Russian saying: I'm always driving "Moskvitch"and for the purchases I take the tractor. English man is asking: Whereby do you drive in foreign contries ? Only with a tank..... 
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 [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig]  [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig]  [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig] I guess h e watched too much F1 [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig]  [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig] [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig] [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig] Translation ....." Give that female behind the bar something from me " [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig] [Verstecktes Bild - Registrierung notwendig] Kind Regards Shaky |
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She, back from shopping: "I´m sorry, the car has broken down. There is some water in the carburettor"
He, doubting: "Ridiculous, I can`t believe it. You don`t know the carburettor. I`m going to check it, where is the car?" She: "In the swimming pool" |
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A man comes to the doctor (psychotherapist).
What can I do for you, doctor is asking. Oh said the man, every night I get a terrible nightmare. "My mother in law is hunting me through the house with a crocodile on a leash in her hand. It looks so horrible. The yellow teeth, the wizened skin and the penetrant stink" That's so unimaginable, simply terrify, the doctor says. "Yes of course but now I would like to describe the crocodile..."
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A guy is standing in a bar drinking when a stranger walks in. After a while they get to talking and at 22:30 the second guy says, "Oh well, I better get home. My wife doesn't like me to stay out late drinking."
The first guy replies, "That is because you aren't doing it right. You should do what I do. Go home. Sneak in the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs and lick, lick, lick usually about twenty minutes and there will no tbe any complaints in the morning. The guy agress to try that and continues drinking with the other guy for about two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He snuck upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for twenty minutes. The bed was like a swamp, so he decided to go wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. He screamed, "What are you doing in here?!" "Quiet!" she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."
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Some days before we will celebrate the 23 years anniversary of fallen down of the berlin wall:
A reporter of a west german TV-station was asking a citizen of eastern germany: Do you call the Russians for friends or for brothers ? For brothers was saying the East-German. Why was asking the reporter? FRIENDS YOU CAN PICK OUT BY YOURSELF... (said the east-german) |
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A well-known Italian poet of the end of '700, Ugo Foscolo, hosted by friends in London, has watched with them a stage show. Being a great seducer, he has followed with interest a charming dancer of that acting company.. At the end of the performance, he asked his friends to accompany him in the dressing rooms to meet her.. His friends took him to the girl and, after their presentations, Foscolo wasted no time in saying to her: " Miss, honestly I never stopped looking at you throughout the show. I think I'm already in love with you and for you I would do everything .. " And the girl: " You Italians, by now I know you very well, always exaggerated with the words, always with one single purpose in the facts .." Foscolo:" Miss, I said I'd do everything for you .. put me to the test, I pray you" The girl:" Everything? Ok.. Wait a minute, please". The girl goes to the bathroom and after a while comes out .. and tells to him:" Well .. if you are really in love, and if you really do everything for me, then prove it by drinking this..".. As she says it, she hands him a little cruet containing a liquid and that hid in her hands .. and adds:" Here are my urine .. drink it, if you are really sincere!". Unperturbed, also shaking his head with a hint of a slight smile, Foscolo answered:" Miss, excuse me, you told me to get to well know us Italians, but I'm not convinced.. because if that were true, then you should know that, we Italians, we are used to drinking it straight from the source....!!!!"
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Not a joke and not so fun.. But in the face of certain things you can only laugh.. In Italy, the value added tax (VAT) has just been increased by the government, from 20 to 21%.. and you know what he said on live TV, the Minister of Finance, Grilli? We have not increased the VAT, but reduced because had to go up to 22% .. so, we lowered it by 1 percentage point.. Nice play on words .. if we begin to calculate the intentions, is the end! Grilli, the truth is that you have increased the VAT by 1 point instead of 2 .. stop! In practice, if a car yesterday it cost 200,, now costs 202 .. but if there was the real increase, it would be due to cost 204 .. so we saved 2!! Hoping to do not see a seller say that he wanted 210 and that, in the end, he got us a substantial discount ..
I need to check if the minister has distant molvanians relatives or if you graduated there! To talk in that way, there must be a link ..
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