ETV goes shopping - Scene Two - In the Used Model Showroom

The scene is set in a used model showroom somewhere in the centre of the city

Mr ETV:  I wonder if you can help me.  I bought some new models last week but they just don’t work very well.  We can’t even get the wrapping off some of them, let alone get them going.  Particularly when it gets hot they won’t start, and even when they do, they are sluggish and we can’t get any performance out of them.  It’s almost as if they were pre-programmed.

Mr Salesman:  You’ve come to the right place, sir.  You’re quite right that some of the newer models aren’t made like the old ones.  They all have the same boring characteristics and haven’t got the individuality of the older ones. You try to manoeuvre them around, but they won’t go.  What exactly are you looking for?

Mr ETV:  I’m looking for some second-hand models which might have a bit of wear and tear, but which have a proven record of fault-free performance.

Mr Salesman:  We’ve got all sorts here, sir.  Look at these refurbished models.  They might look a bit tatty and some of the bodywork needs patching up but they’ve been completely stripped down and are in the process of being serviced.  There’s nothing that a lick of paint and a bit of oiling won’t solve.  This one’s having its nipples greased as we speak.

Mr ETV:  What are these two?

Mr Salesman:  Ah yes.  This one is a Mercedes. Sounds OK, but only went out of the garage twice and it was sent back.  Never worked since.  You’d be much better off with this Kia.  Cheerful, reliable, quite a few miles on the clock, but never lets you down.

Mr ETV:  Mmm.  I think I’ve had one of those before.  Excellent model.  Nice headlamps.

Mr Salesman:  Now these here are older classics, more like antiques.  Upholstery may be a bit saggy but if you spend a bit of money on them, you’ll be amazed how they will suddenly look 10 years younger and give you a very sporty performance.  They go further than the newer models too.  They come from the days when the laws weren’t as restrictive as they are now and there was no problem with exceeding the limit.

Mr ETV:  Tell me about it!  With Big Brother behind the CCTV cameras you can’t get away with anything these days.

Mr Salesman:  I particularly recommend this model here.  1980 two wheel model – hallmarked with a logo as you can see.  Flat front, big boot, but as sweet as a nut.  Beautiful piece of workmanship.  Lovely temperament.  Very popular.  Irreplaceable.

Mr ETV:  I’ll leave it up to you.  Sounds like you know more about what I need than I do.  Mind you, that wouldn’t be difficult.  We just don’t get the training and they employ anybody who turns up.  Want to swap jobs?
 

Bellerophon, you are great!!!! ROFL!!!