ETV to close on Health & Safety grounds?

Well, not really, I hope. But if they had the same studio conditions in this nanny state, formerly known as Great Britain, they’d be putting the padlocks on the doors and clapping people in irons faster than DB could give an armful. Apart from which the unions would have a field day. There’d be so many claims for compensation and unlawful working conditions that the models would be able to retire on squillions of euros without ever having to suffer the embarrassment of showing another big toe.

Thank goodness this is Molvania, where smoking in enclosed public places is perfectly OK and where H&S is a department store for second hand models.

Take this morning for example. A very tired Kim valiantly attempting a mixture of a strip and the splits (Spagat) in high heels on top of the narrow bar. Apart from the distinct possibility of her actually splitting herself painfully in half, it all looked a bit on the dangerous side to me. I like Kim and I should hate anything to happen to her. She’s intelligent and honest and speaks excellent English, and without pretending to be anything she isn't, she fulfils her role as ETV’s senior model with real consistency and professionalism. Others please note.

I mean, just look at the dangers to life and limb:

• Apparently drunk (or worse) cameramen careering about all over the place
• The bottles of alcohol behind the bar. A girl might even be tempted to drink one, and if I had to appear with Eskander, I’d be sorely tempted to break several over his head and put a few elsewhere too, narrow end first.  (And don’t tell me, Patricia, that the thought had never crossed your mind).
• Abrasions to the skin caused by being pawed and mauled by a certain model
• Passive smoking.  Remember Safo's expression when confronted with Veni trying to imitate Mount Etna erupting in that video they used to put on between shows?
• The “strip” curtain could easily become tangled round someone’s neck and cut off circulation. Not perhaps entirely a bad idea in certain cases, so forget that one. True, many of the girls don’t know what the curtain’s for, but guess which girls have never even been behind it at all. Answers on a postcard.
• Girls doing 14 hour shifts. Illegal in Europe under the European Working Time Directive (and 48 hours max per week), unless of course they “agree” in writing.
• Very tired girls having to dance in impractical footwear amongst the usual spaghetti of cables. Very easy to trip over. It’s happened before. Not a bad idea in some cases, I hear you think. Trouble is most of those don’t run the risk of falling over anything except possibly their feet when they get up from the chair they’ve been sitting in for hours doing nothing.

And then of course the not insignificant danger to the viewing and dialling public of choking on your pizza or being physically sick when confronted with the antics of a gay crossdresser or a couple of models whom I had better not name - for my own Health & Safety, of course.

And just to reveal a little secret: The bottles in the bar are all empty. They have been collected after a recent short meeting of the 2 person steering board of this channel ...

Yep, yesterday Kim had the night shift untl 4 am. 2 hours later, no real time to sleep, she was in the early morning shift, 6am to 11am, AND the following one till 4pm afternoon!!

Today she looks 1 year older!! Well done, etv!

ETV needs more girls with better payment and of course hotter performance. Or we'll see the end.