Instructions to etv studio directors

........with many apols to DB et al. if something along these lines has been done before......

In Memoriam ETV1 nightshow 9/10 November 2007 - R.I.P.

Instructions to ETV  Studio Directors in the event of a model doing something sexy:

Directors are reminded that under certain unusual circumstances during the course of a nightshow one or more of the following may happen:

• a new model may undo her bra strap or a trouser button/zip for the first time
• an established model may decide to show more than usual
• a model may start an erotic dance
• two models (or more) may start to undress each other erotically
• two already topless models may start to caress each other

If any of the above occur you must immediately switch the camera away from the offending girl(s). You then have a choice of pre-arranged shots of which you must show one, some or all:

• a girl sitting on the sofa doing nothing except, if possible, yawning
• a girl painting another’s toenails or fingernails
• a row of not very attractive feet (with or without shoes)
• the eurotic TV logo (or part of) preferably in close-up
• the underside of the roof of the studio
• a piece of carpet, colour unimportant, preferably with cabling
• Kaleya speaking into a microphone (this should go on uninterrupted for at least five minutes). German is the language of choice for maximum grammatical inaccuracy
• Veni or another moderator talking to one of the girls on set
• Shamus’s interlaced camera work at one frame per half second (preferably hand held for total lack of clarity)

Show these in any order for as long as possible until all danger of anything sexy taking place has been eliminated.  In most cases the girl concerned will get bored with waiting to go back on camera and will abandon the move without having to be told.

If something potentially erotic still seems to be occurring, dim or brighten the studio lighting suddenly and violently so that nothing can be seen without night vision or snow goggles.

If all else fails, pull out the plug for a black screen. Probably the best solution in the first place.
 

Well Safo is reknown for 'bending'  the rules.

The other day,  at the end of the show, she dropped her pants and stood legs apart in full camera view for several minutes. Maybe that is 'allowed' but you do not see it from other models on E1 atleast.

The director was clearly sleeping at that moment.

But there again certain people will push the envelope a little ferther and seem to get away with it..

@elmo: nice psychedelic clip, but you forgot the 'epileptic shock'-warning...  :=))

btw. where is this warning at etv? they should definitely have one for these 'shows'!

ETV  - The Director's Cut
 

this technical highlight "bloopers" oops wrong button or was it this one ......
@ bellerophon
this option was not included by you in your instructions,
but it also has immense possibilities .........

Watch Sesil strip, cut to girls on the bed, cut to girl on the couch and then cut  ......   to the girls next door ?
[Versteckter Link - Registrierung notwendig]
mp4 768*576 H264 4:48 mins 61.4 MB

What was an amusing topic is descending into an arguement about language.

Yes, we have a posting rule about that.

Stay ON TOPIC or, unfortunately, the topic will be closed.

@kasenit. LOL...Yes, that's what I mean. It's sad but true...

@bellerophon: You're right but kasenit's example is one of many similar messages.

It's not possible to write such a nonsense in German.

A couple of examples of bellerophon's
"Instructions to etv studio directors" in action.
not only applicable to the night show, these instructions are carried out in all shows with a director and mod (sometimes substituted for a market stall owner selling his fruit or veg, and or a used car salesman) thoughtful people these, they even read out the Plasma VIP sms for those reading a book*, see Mauro's description on the Homepage. Uninterrupted music? must have been a long time ago.

* German is once again the language of choice for maximum grammatical inaccuracy and pronunciation error.

Sandra, who always makes a supreme effort with her appearance, tried desperately to do something sexy. At the time I was sorely tempted to send an sms myself.

"Sandra why are you making all this effort, you might as well get dressed and go home, they won't miss you"

this scene was from a little later, her second attempt, the first landed in my trash can (panties round her ankles but one had no idea how they got there).
[Versteckter Link - Registrierung notwendig]
mp4 768*576 7:36 mins 89.5 MB

and of course the highlight of any night show Shamus at work on the visionmixer.
this time Penelope got well and truly zapped. Was he trying to beam her to another planet ?

(very nice incidental shot of Tyra before the buttons were pushed)
[Versteckter Link - Registrierung notwendig]
mp4 640*480 11:06 mins 99.2 MB

I can't really suggest 'enjoy' that was effectively removed in the ETV control room

the hottest part about these files will be caused by the friction from the sides of the trash can on the way out of your computer.

@erik: you mean probably the all-time highlight:
"you see today beautiful out" ?
:-) :-) :-)

Congrats to this kind of ironic summary .

In my eyes German isn't the language of choice for maximum grammatical inaccuracy.

I'd rather prefer to substitute it by the word "English".

You might read the daily messages and posts to confirm my opinion.

Nicely done bellerophon....and I do also like brokingbull's addition!
 

Methinks I have serious competition here -))

Did they delete this point:

A girl searching for pimples and squeezing them out? :-)))

I think it is a good idea to publish this document. So you can avoid heart attacks of the spectators as a result of disappointment!

Do you think it is a good idea to publish internal documents ;-)