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After a longer time it's urgent time to put a new one in
A miserly man is coming in a funeral parlor and is saying he needs a casket for his died mother in law. The seller presents him various models in different price categories. One hour later the man is saying that he likes nothing of the caskets. All are too expensive. Thereupon the seller is making a suggestion for a very cheap solution: Take along your mother in law and we mount 2 handholds on her. Best Regards |
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Why do sailing ships bear female names?
Expensive outfit and very heavily to navigate. |
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Two friends at the bar :
- You know, my wife frequently complained because she wanted more freedom ... - What did you do? - I wish. I enlarged the kitchen ... |
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A woman enters the pharmacy and asks if they have condoms extra large format. The pharmacist answers promptly:
- Of course I have! Do you want a box? - No. .. Sorry but if I wait here in a corner until someone comes along to buy them? |
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Such approaches a policeman and asks:
- Excuse me, I can indicate the shortest route to the cemetery? The policeman: - Sure, go straight to the first corner! |
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Okay, it is early in the morning but here a short one:
Some people (like m...1) are unable to get an apoplexy. Why ? It would be a hit in emptiness... Merry Christmas |
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You know what is the difference between a dove and a pussy ? ...
The dove is the bird of peace and the pussy is the peace of the bird. Strange world, right? passion |
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You know what is the difference between a gynecologist and a disc-jockey ? ...
No difference. Both work where others are having fun! Have fun passion |
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I'm not that good in jokes ..but here is one ....What is the difference between a stiff dick ( hard on ) and the dirty dishes ? .....you can leaf the dirty dishes standing the whole day
Kind Regards Shaky ps: i think that my dutch and flamish friends here can understand it better in our language ..because the translation is not the exact one in english i guess ) |
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Two snotty brats hang around the registry office watching a bridal couple.
One of the rascals whispers "let`s terrify them" When walking to the bridegroom he suddenly shouts "hello daddy how are you." |
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Oh Gents, was a nice "Driving Home For Christmas"- no generally speed limit on German highways
[hidden link - please register] and here the vehicle of "markus1" [hidden link - please register] Hope you will laugh with me Best Regards |
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A final one.
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range. The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says, "Not bad, Now hold your club as firmly as you hold your wife's breast." The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards. Golf pro: "Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your husband's dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golf pro: "Not bad, now try taking the club out of your mouth." |
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On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.
He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!" |
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Two people come into two horses. They try to find an agreement, who will get which one.
They look out so similar said the first but I have got an idea. I cut off the left ear from one horse and it should be mine. The other agreed and he does it. Next day when the horses alone on the grassland, says this with still having two ears: Those are two idiots. Let’s do a joke with them. Hey, bite me off the left ear. It happens and on the follow evening the both people stay in front of the horses again and consider what can they do else. Hey, said the other one I will cut off the other ear from one horse and this should be mine. Full agreement by the first one and he cut off the other ear. Next day on the grassland the horses laughs a lot and of course this without ears bites off the second ear from the other one. In the evening the two people nearby to despair. What can we do, what can we do, I haven’t got any idea. Suddenly the other is saying: Yeah, have got a solution. Okay what is it tell me. It’s very easy: One of us should take the white horse and the other the black one. Oh my good... Greets |
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Three sharks meet each other in the ocean.
The first says: Last week I swam along the Californian pacific coast. I ate a swimmer and was drunk for the next three days. It had such a lot of whisky in the blood. Oh said No.2 my experience is similar. I swam along the Russian coast of Kamchatka and ate also a swimmer. I was drunk for one week so much Vodka it had in the blood. Now let me tell you my story said the third. I got lost in a very small sea named Baltic Sea. When I came to a certain cost I ate a swimmer. Ooohhhh it had to been a German official, I couldn’t dive for 2 weeks because it was so hollow. Hope your reaction is Best regards |
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