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A true fan!
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A gynecologist fell in love with an attractive patient. But- the gyn is married.
So he and his girlfriend made the arrangment, that she arrives in his ordination as a "last patient", and so they will have enough time for each other. One evening, when the sat together and drank a cup of coffee after all, the gyn suddently said to her: "Hurry up! Take off your panties and spread your legs, my wife is coming!" |
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Two gays walk along the street. There comes a young couple with a baby carriage.
The baby inside seems not to be well, it howls very loud and was not to be calmed. Said the first gay:"Horrible, this sceams. so noisy!" Said the second: "Yes indeed! Horrible!" The first: "That's because of the damned mixed marriages!" |
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After some time is passed:
 A group of purchasers and a group of engineers from a company are traveling together to a congress in a train. One of the purchasers is telling that every one of them has bought a ticket, like it is the normal for good purchasers. The engineers are laughing and telling the purchasers that they bought only one ticket for the whole group. The purchasers are wondered but delighted in secret, the engineers will get it in the neck. Suddenly one of the engineers is shouting: The conductor is coming! All engineers rush to the toilet and lock up themselves in it. When the conductor comes and sees the toilet is engaged, he knocks at the door and says: The ticket, please. One of the engineers is sticking it trough the slit under the door. The conductor checks, postmarks and pulls it back trough the slit. Some minutes later, the conductor is off, the engineers go back to their places. The purchasers are very astonished and intend to do the same on the back drive. On the back drive the purchasers are telling the engineers that they have bought only one ticket. The engineers are saying that they haven’t got any ticket. Purchasers are shaking their heads. Suddenly one of the engineers is shouting again: The conductor is coming! All purchasers rush to the toilet and lock up themselves. Some minutes later the engineers are on their way to the other toilet. Before they lock up their door, one of them knocks at the door of the toilet where the purchasers are in and says: The ticket, please… Conclusion: Very often, the purchasers are trying to apply the methods of the engineers. But they figure out them not really. I hope all purchasers will carry this with humor, it is a small exemplae of the professional workdays and not more. |
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Some considerations about aviation:
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going m the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgement comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgement. 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to appeal. 24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago. 25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots. Regards Joker |
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A peasant is by train, pale, trembling and agitated with air. A young man in the compartment, asked him the reason for this anxiety.
- Well, I gotta go to work in Milan, and I have a fear Executioner! Thugs, drugs, shootings and all that stuff! - All stories! - Replied the young man - I'm in Milan since I was born, we always work and I never had any problems! And the peasant: - Oh, that comforting news! But she does work in Milan? - Tail Gunner on the armored van of a baker ... |
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Two policemen after a tour of duty done in tandem. The driver:
- What a day! By dint of riding I have pain in the legs! And the other: - But I have bad hands, you know, all the time to restrain him not to pick you |
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In a nursing home, a guest on the sly prankster crumbles, during breakfast, one tablet of Viagra in the nearby cafe au lait, to see the effect it is ...
After a couple of hours, the two meet and joker, noting that the other has the pants all wet on the front, he asks: - What happened to you? - Shut up! I pee, I went to the bathroom, I pulled it out, I saw that was not mine, and then ... I put him back in! |
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A young man is new in a holiday club.
At his first visit he goes to the beach, lies down on a towel and reads a newspaper. After some time he gets tired; he takes off his swimming trunks, covers his privates with the newspaper and falls asleep. A soft breeze raises and carries the paper from below up to his head and covers his face. Three ladies come along, stop near the guy and have a look at what there is presented. The first:"Look, that is not my husband!" The second: "Yes, you are right, that is not your husband!" The third:" I am sure he is quite new in our club!" |
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A girl is washing her hands in the holy water font of a church.
A friend sees it and asks: What are you doing? The other replies: I just confessed that I have made my boyfriend a handjob and the priest told me to wash my hands as a penance. On which the other girl replies : do not mess up the water too much as he will send me to gargle. |
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- Because the three prostitutes who were in the hotel with Ronaldo have become Viados?
- Why have just entered the room without the bidet with Crescina ...
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chrispocz wrote: I was always a big fan of Toyota Supra's and even more now 
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The mother in law is trying to decrease her weight.
She tries it with horse riding, tells her son-in-law to a friend and the friend is asking if it was successful. Hm, said the son it depends on the viewpoint. All I can tell you is: The horse has already lost ten kilos after two weeks. Best Regards |
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